Safety Plan
Raising teens comes with many challenges, and it’s not uncommon for parents to think “teens these days” are so much worse than teens a generation ago. And, that might not be totally inaccurate – today’s adolescents probably aren’t “bad kids” as much as they face more and different pressures than their parents did. Social media, the wild west of the internet, and dangerous drugs like fentanyl were not things our generation had to deal with, but our kids face these pressures regularly.
Our team at SexEdVA teaches sexual health programming in middle schools, and in one of the lessons, students hear the story of two teens named Tina and Marco. In Tina and Marco’s story, both characters, who are only in 8th grade, end up at a party where people are drinking alcohol. Because they are too young to drive, they don’t have a way to leave immediately. To fit in, they both have several drinks.
Unfortunately, this scenario happens in real life, too, with kids even younger than Tina and Marco. As much as we love our children, it is naive to think they’ll never make a poor choice, lie to us, sneak out, and end up in a situation they can’t control. You might consider establishing a safety plan with your child.
This article explains how one dad developed a code word for his kids to use if they needed his help. Essentially, the family establishes a code word (in the case of this dad, Bert Fulks, the code word was just the letter “x”). If the teenager is out with friends or at a party and feels like they are in any kind of danger, they can text “x” to anyone in the family, and someone will call the teen, pretending there is a family emergency. That family member then immediately retrieves the teen from wherever they are, and everyone gets home safe and sound.
For the plan to really work, advises Fulks, the parent or family member who rescues the teen has to agree not to ask any questions about the need for the rescue. This may be really hard for some parents, but a teenager is less likely to call for help if they think they’ll get in trouble. The important thing is that the teenager gets home safely. Once this trust is established, it’s entirely possible the teenager will share the reason with their parents anyway.
Consider adopting this idea for your family. Maybe your code word could be a particular emoji or symbol, a word or phrase that holds meaning for you, or just a single letter, like Bert Fulks’ family uses. It might not ever be used, or it could save your child’s life.
This blog post was contributed by Katie Mitchell of SexEdVA, a division of James Madison University working to support sexual health education, family life programming, and positive youth development across Virginia. To inquire about partnering with them or to find out more, visit www.sexedva.org or email them at jmuarp@jmu.edu.
This publication was made possible by Grant Number TP1AH000215 from the HHS Office of Population Affairs. Contents are solely the responsibility of the authors and do not necessarily represent the official views of the Department of Health and Human Services or the Office of Population Affairs.