Parent-Teen Communication
Given that teenagers are reported to be coping with a lot of confusion during their teenage years and are more prone to make hasty decisions based on their prevailing emotions rather than reasoning, having a strong and trustworthy parent-child relationship throughout this period is of the utmost importance. Therefore, having open lines of communication with your adolescent can make you both feel better and more connected to one another as well as more comfortable having challenging conversations and resolving conflicts.
One out of every ten youth report not having a trusted adult in their lives. These youth engage in risk behaviors at higher rates than their peers who identify a trusted adult. Focusing on improving adult-teen communication reduces risky behaviors and builds strong family relationships.
Many parents will ask “Where do I start?”. To have “real” conversations with your teen- you need to set the stage! Build strong relationships by talking less and listening more. Use opportunities you are with your teen to have small conversations- in car, cooking, walks, watching TV/movies. Teens are often uncomfortable if you approach them and want to have a one-on-one conversation sitting at a table across from each other, no matter what the topic is. Use Motivational Interviewing (MI) strategies consistently to help build strong relationships.
What is Motivational Interviewing?
Motivational interviewing is an evidence-based way of communicating with people that allows them to feel comfortable and safe to open up in a conversation. MI is different than traditional approaches to communication. It is not based on lecturing or telling others what to do and why, but instead focuses on getting them to talk through and explore their reasons for and against a behavior. Motivational interviewing is an effective communication strategy, particularly when tackling challenging topics such as discussing alcohol or other drug use with teens. MI is an important skill for parents, caregivers, teachers, or anyone who wants to have more meaningful conversations that ignite behavior change.
What are the basic counseling strategies of motivational interviewing?
There are three strategies of motivational interviewing to employ:
1. Open-ended Questions
These are questions that can’t be answered with a simple “yes” or “no”. Asking open-ended questions allows your son or daughter to expand upon their answer in their own words.
Here are some examples of open-ended questions that could be used when talking to a teen about alcohol or other drugs:
I hear there might be alcohol at the party. What would you do if someone offered you a drink?
Why do you think people use drugs?
Do you think that occasionally using drugs is a problem?
How do you think alcohol and other drugs might affect your goals?
Questions like these invoke more meaningful responses than a simple “yes” or “no” and can allow your teen to open up with their own thoughts and feelings.
2. Reflection
Another strategy of motivational interviewing is reflection, or what is often called reflective listening. By reflecting back what the other person said, or repeating in your own words what you heard, you can help the other person feel understood; not judged. This makes teens more likely to open up and reveal what’s actually going on.
Here’s an example of reflecting:
Teen: I don’t want to drink, but I worry that if I don’t people won’t invite me to parties.
Parent: On one hand, you know drinking isn’t a good decision, but you also don’t want to miss out on any fun with your friends.
In the example above, the parent is showing their teen that they hear what they’re saying and that they understand their point of view. Reflecting is a way parents can express their interest, empathy and understanding to their teen.
3. Affirmations
The third strategy of motivational interviewing is affirmations. Affirmations are statements of appreciation and understanding. They help your teen feel more confident in their ability to change their behavior.
Affirmations:
are statements that recognize and show respect of your teen’s strengths to build rapport and help them see themselves in a more positive light (building self-esteem and self-efficacy).
are not meant to be compliments.
are genuine and specific.
are used to target a strength or support an effort.
Here are some examples of affirmations:
Thank you for being honest with me.
You are committed to getting good grades.
I know these conversations can be hard, and I appreciate you opening up.
You are a strong person and handled that situation very well.
Motivational interviewing is an effective technique that’s used by mental health professionals, teachers, parents, and more. There are numerous studies that prove the efficacy of motivational interviewing in a variety of scenarios. This technique is gaining traction in many different fields for a reason!
Resources and links
“Teen Speak: A guide to understanding and communicating with your teen.” By Dr. Jennifer Salerno
http://www.DrJenniferSalerno.com
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=STfNLOgH4so&t=333s
https://blog.amphy.com/the-concept-of-teen-parent-communication/
https://kognito.com/solution/substance-use-for-parents-caregivers/
This blog post was contributed by Rand Batarseh of SexEdVA, a division of James Madison University working to support sexual health education, family life programming, and positive youth development across Virginia. To inquire about partnering with them or to find out more, visit www.sexedva.org or email them at jmuarp@jmu.edu.
This publication was made possible by Grant Number TP1AH000215 from the HHS Office of Population Affairs. Contents are solely the responsibility of the authors and do not necessarily represent the official views of the Department of Health and Human Services or the Office of Population Affairs.